I won't worry my life away, I won't worry this life away

My spirit is groaning. My head is moaning.
My body is bending. My heart is mending.
My feet are curling. My hips are twirling.
My senses are smiling. My stomach is crying.
My life is turning. My emotions are burning.

I long to write a song.
I have studied 11 books so far!
Why haven't I written a song?

It is okay though, I don't need to write a song.
I think I would only do it for myself.
That needs to change before I can write.

I keep forgetting that God waits for me to wake up in the morning.
I wake up and don't notice him sitting there next to my bed.
I find it more important to get rid of my morning breath than acknowledge him.

It is hard to fast in India.
It is easy to fast from the food on campus, but hard to fast from eating snacks.
Especially Wheat Things and Dark Chocolate.
I saw the chocolate doughnut at Coffee Day yesterday and even though I had already eaten it and did not approve, it still looked good. I would have ordered it again hoping it would have been different.
It would not have been different.
Who knows how long those things sit in there.
I know the Chocolate Fantasy is good just like I know the Tropical Iceberg is good.
That is my drink of choice.
Tropical iceberg.
An oxymoron.
There's also nothing tropical about it.
It's just like a mocha frappuccino.

How can I conceal what is in my heart?
For so long I have allowed it to sit out on my arm letting all see and know what mood it is in.
I must conceal my heart this time.
Its feelings are pointless most of the time.
Although sometimes I wonder if it is hurtful to deny my heart its feelings and emotions.
Won't it only hurt in the long run if I bottle these things up inside me?
What right do I have to let them out anyway.

I don't know very much about someone before I fall in love.
I wish I could wait.
I can never wait.
For me it is always love at first sight.
Never love at wait a few months down the road and see how you feel.
For me relationships are like new albums.
You have all this bands previous albums and so the built up anticipation for this album is killing you!
You love it before you have even listened to it!
The new single off of it is so thrilling and amazing and beautiful!
So, the day the album finally comes out you frantically purchase it and bring it home.
You put it in a CD player, or on your laptop, and listen to it.
You immediately like the first song, maybe second, then the single which you already know is good.
As you continue listening to it you realize that it isn't all that it was cracked up to be.
You think, "maybe if I keep listening to it it will grow on me!"
Three days later you forgot about it and would rather listen to anything but that.
That is how my mind and heart work with men.