Some days aren't yours at all.

I am finding life has it's twists and turns. Things you never even considered happening 3 weeks ago are in full force right now. People you didn't miss all that much suddenly become so important in your life. A little bit of snow makes you want to move to a warmer climate effective immediately. I tried writing a song last night. I don't know if it's right yet, but at least I'm writing again or at least trying to. I'm super tired today! Tuesdays have become the new Monday in my life. I can't stay up late Monday nights, but CSI:Miami is on at 9, so I have to.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life. Somewhere along the lines of I have only one life on this planet. Why be afraid of anything but God? Why get nervous? Why be shy? I mean really, I am almost 22 years old, I have approximately 65 years left on this planet. That's not a whole lot of time. I need to do something bigger than being a nanny and paying off my bills. I really would sell everything I own to move somewhere else and start over, but that's not what I'm supposed to do. When the time comes for something big, it's going to be a lot harder than that. I pray that it's what I love to do. Not that I won't love to do what I'm going to do for the rest of my life, but I pray that I love it right now and don't have to come to love it.

Golly, I don't even know if I'm making any sense here. Writing thoughts out always helps me get out what I'm thinking...since I don't really have anyone to tell my thoughts and dreams to right now.

Is it okay to want to strangle the children you baby-sit?

It's weird how something that most of the world does today happens in my life and it affects me so much. I hurt so much from these small things the world tells me are okay. I feel like most of the world is broken. Everyone I meet is human. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have a habit of putting people up on high things like nothing can touch them, not even me, then after something amazing yet horrible happens and I realize they are human. Just like me. How can something so horrible be what is wanted in this life? How can something so "small" and "ordinary" change my outlook on a person so much so that I don't care if I ever see them again or talk to them. Someone please come up and shake some sense into me. Grab my shoulders and shake as hard as you can. Please?