I Remember It Well

I remember when I didn't even know you existed.
I remember when I saw you around but never talked to you.
I remember when we never said "hi" when we passed each other.
I remember when you were seeing that other girl.
I remember thinking I wish a guy loved me like you loved her.
I remember when you came back from your home.
I remember the first time you said hello to me.
I remember you inviting me to watch your band practice.
I remember you sitting outside next to me and another friend talking.
I remember thinking you liked her.
I remember when you asked me to play a song with you.
I remember you spending a lot of time near me all of a sudden.
I remember that first time we had an actual conversation with one another.
I remember you initiated everything.
I remember the words you spoke when you told me you loved me.
I remember not believing a word you said.
I remember God telling me you were completely honest.
I remember being scared and I was actually going to tell you "no way."
I remember not being able to tell you that.
I remember not wanting to tell you that.
I remember phone calls every single night.
I remember those last few days.
I remember that last morning with remorse.
I remember being terrified my life had took a turn for the worst.
I remember thinking if it was all worth it.
I remember that it wasn't worth it.
I remember crying in my bed thinking about it.
I remember when that day finally came and I was so, so, so relieved.
I remember a shift in my being that day.
I remember I once told you I loved you, but only once.
I remember you telling me you love me most of the time.
I remember back to before the day I left, and things were beautiful then.
I remember what happened and now things are a bit different.
I just don't know what to think anymore.
I don't know what to do.
I don't even know if I care.
I feel kind of numb about everything.
I smile at the past.
I have an awkward silence with the presence.
I don't know what to feel about the future.