God is slowly and somewhat painfully making me realize I need to put all my trust in Him. Not in any other person on this earth. Who can I trust but Him? I am slowly starting see that He is the only dependable, trustworthy, loyal, providing person in my life, and I take Him so much for granted. I have been relying on people too much lately. Putting my trust in humanity is hopeless. It will always be hopeless.
I wasn't prepared for this.
I set up a couple of deadlines to 1. stop thinking about someone romantically, and 2. not be interested completely. I hope this works.
I feel like I am breaking into a million tiny pieces. I feel like I need to get away from here for a few days. Either alone or go to visit a friend in a far off place. I really miss Mallory. I think I might look into flying out there for a few days. I don't know. I'm just processing things as I am typing them. I of course miss Kimberly immensely. It's funny, the only human I feel like I can trust in this life is on the other side of the world. Kim, know you are missed dearly.
It is sporadically raining, thundering, and lightning right now. It'll be a good day to sleep with the window half-open. I love sleeping with the windows open. Ever since Vanuatu it's hard for me not to.
Sometimes I think so many things will make me happy, but I know they won't. Deep down I know they will not bring me happiness that lasts. Besides, I keep telling myself that these are things that everyone yearns for, so they can't make me happy because people have wanted these things for the last 100 years. I am wired no differently than Eve.
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