On Love, In Sadness

I know this sounds incredibly cheesy, but I knew from the moment I saw you I was done for. Your personality sucked me in like a black hole, but not a terryfying black hole, a pleasant one. You always know how to keep my chin up. I mean, I keep my own chin up, but you make me want to do that. I feel like I barely know you, but I also feel like you've been a part of my life for years. I can't explain it. I want so much for my life to be intertwined with yours forever, but at least for right now it is and that is blessing enough for me. I was worried that you would be quite a distraction like all the others in the past were, but it's fairly easy to concentrate with you around. I don't know what this would be called then. Perhaps i'm turning it into something more than it really is. That's the most likely explanation. I told myself I was done with this, and I still am, but I can't help but feel like I'm still holding on. I try to think of how unrealistic it is and I can't come up with very many unrealistic points. All I know is that when I'm with you I end up dreaming about you that night, and it's not like a weird dream or anything, we act the same way in real life as in the dreams though in the dreams there's an unspoken vibe about us. A good unspoken vibe that is. Like there could be something more underneath it all, but i never stick around long enough in the dream to find out. I respect you. I know that's what a man most desperately needs. I respect your opinions and your openness, and I love the way you love. You love people so well. You love me so well. You love Jesus so well. There are so many things that run through my mind when I'm not with you. I wish I could just call you up and talk. I wish I wasn't the queen of awkward.

I used to write letters like these on paper back in my high school days. I can't recall the last time I did it.

I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be confident and happy about who I am. Maybe I don't really know who I am yet. That's gotta be the problem. Lord, who am I?