I once fell in love with you just because the sky turned from grey into blue

I am stressed. Stressed, stressed, stressed. I am on the shortest fuse. I hate my life. I am so dramatic and emotional right now. I hate this. It's all my choice too. I had a good weekend alone at the cabin. God told me great things. Why can't I keep those at the front of my mind back in the working world? Money is stressful even though I have an over-abundance of it right now. Besides that though, checks aren't coming in and I need a farewell show soon. Anybody got a venue?

Reading is the only thing that calms me, reading and sleep, that is if I can manage to fall asleep. Lately I've been up all night worrying about things and then when I do fall asleep I dream about them and it worries me even more. Golly. Can't someone just clean out my mind? Just take a rag and wipe out everything. Everything must go! Use bleach if you have to. I just don't want to think about anything anymore.

Isn't My heart stretched out towards you to bless you? Didn't I say that I would shelter and protect you and be your strongest support? Give Me your entire being. I am your loving Father. I know your every need even before you need it. My provisions are not only sure, but full and overflowing, so that you may confess like the Psalmist, "I shall never want." You will see with a vision denied to many, for your heart is pure, and to the pure of heart is given the promise that they shall see God. How much more glorious than to behold the beauty of a thousand sunsets! How much more thrilling than the sight of the fairest faces ever to grace this earth!

I shall reveal Myself to you and you will know Me face to face, as Moses did. You will walk with Me and talk with Me and I will hold your hand and will be like a brother, like a friend. I will never leave you, and in the darkness I will be a light to you. In joy I will be an added comfort and in sorrow I will be the peace that surpasses understanding.

Don't look to man to tell you more about Me. Look to Me directly, for I will reveal Myself to you in a personal way and ways of which no other person could tell you. I will be as personal and dear to you as I was to John, the Beloved. I will take you aside as I did Peter and talk to you about things that concern you alone. I am not the God of congregations, but of the individual, and I am as concerned for you as I was for Abraham, Joseph, or David.

You are never one of many to Me. You are precious and dear to my heart like a special treasure. For I love you more than you can comprehend, and I long to gather you in My embrace and hold you close to My heart. Do not hold Me at arms length because you have a sense of unworthiness. Have you not read that the redeemed are brought near by the blood of Christ? Your sins are not covered, they are wiped away completely! They are not only forgiven, but forgotten!

Be as the prodigal embraced by his father. Though he would have resisted for a moment, he swiftly accepted his father's forgiveness and reciprocated his love and affection.

I, too, would bring you into My house and spread for you a feast of blessings, and place upon you the garment of praise, the ring of relationship, and the sandals of peace. Come, for all things are prepared for you and nothing will be denied.

Golly, I love this book. It always speaks to me. God always speaks to me through it. It's refreshing and humbling. It makes me want to lay and spend the day in bed with Him. In His embrace and listening to His heart beat. I wish I could actually do that. Lord, let me see your face like Moses did.

I have 3 days left of work and that seems too long for me. I never want to be a nanny again. I don't know how people can do this for years. I don't think I can do anything for years. I always need to change things up. I could never be stuck in a job for more than 5 years. I have to travel and experience new things. I have to go, go, go. Someday I'll be asked to stay, but today isn't that day.

Pray for Northern India. They had major monsoon flooding today. A million people are trapped.

The enemy has been defeated, death couldn't hold You down

Going to the cabin alone was the most brilliant idea I've had in years! God spoke to me, he held me, he loved me, He even inspired a new song in me once again. I love when He shows you verses and parts of books that are completely relevant to what is going on in your life. I hope my final week of work reflects my time alone with my Love. I couldn't wipe the silly grin off my face last night.

That was when I ruled the world

I wrote this a few months ago and want to keep it around:

The desires of my heart? Know more about my King; Making music; Getting married; Going to different churches overseas; I want to live like the early Church; Learn another language; Give hope to people; Jesus is the center of all my relationships; Pray more; Know more about the Spirit; Do miracles; Be a pioneer. Not a rebel.

Sometimes I actually consider becoming anorexic! Can you believe that? I'm going through one of those no confidence phases. The biggest mountain in my life keeping me from seeing God's glory is comparing myself to other people. I'm not as fit as her, I'm not as good at guitar as him, I am not as good as the super nanny, I don't look good in that kind of dress, etcetera.

I need God to speak to me more. I remember praying in my dreams! I miss that. My mind and spirit were so focused on God that my dreams were about Him. That's what I want every night.

Here's something I read today that I believe is for me from God:

O My Beloved, abide under the shelter of the lattice-for I have betrothed thee unto Myself, and though ye are sometimes indifferent toward Me, My love for thee is at all times as a flame of fire. My ardor never cools. My longing for thy love and affection is deep and constant.

Tarry not for an opportunity to have more time to be alone with Me. Take it, though ye leave the tasks at hand. Nothing will suffer. Things are of less importance than ye think. Our time together is like a garden full of flowers, whereas the time ye give to things is as a field full of stubble.

I love thee, and if ye can always, as it were, feel My pulsebeat, ye shall know many things the knowledge of which shall give thee sustaining strength. I bare thy sins and wish to carry thy burdens. Ye may have the gift of a light and merry heart. My love bower is the place where ye shall find it, for My love dispels all fear and is a cure for every ill. Lay thy head upon My breat and lose thyself in Me. Thou shalt experience resurrection life and peace; the joy of the Lord shall become thy strength; and wells of salvation shall be opened within thee.

Lord, make those truths known in my life. Let me dream about You tonight and give me strength to love Ryley with a pure heart tomorrow.