Dear Lord Jesus, God Almighty! Why must I be this way? How is it I am so quiet and soft-spoken around him but as soon as he leaves I can call a different guy and talk to him a mile a minute and tell him all the things I wanted to say to the first guy but didn't cause I'm such a RETARD and so is the first guy because he didn't bring it up! Aghh. All I want is to be noble. I am so far from that. All I want is to be valiant. I am so far from that. I just want to say it like it is! I want to speak my feelings. Speak my mind. I don't want to hesitate anymore. I feel like I'm quenching the Spirit. There's a reason I should speak up. There's a reason we shouldn't be doing this, but I'm not going to say anything cause I'm a pansy and incredibly foolish! I don't want to be a fool anymore. I want to be a fool for Christ, but not just a fool. I don't want to fall in love with every boy I meet. I don't want to eat all the food I see. I don't want to stay up past a reasonable bed time cause I'm blogging. Just before bed time is the WORST time to blog anyway, all my emotions run wild and don't care who shows its ugly head and when. A lot of self-pity, self-doubt, shame, and self-hate comes out of rants and raves like these at 10:52 PM.
I am officially done with these pity party blogs. I am not a child anymore. I am an adult. I am a woman. I am valuable. I am precious. I am valiant. I am noble. I am wise. I am scandalous. I am creative. I am intelligent. Yes, even I am beautiful. Radiant. Captivating. Sharp. Bright. Totally awesome. Witty. Compassionate. Peaceful. Soothing. Encouraging. I am not my own. I do not belong to me. I belong to Jesus. I belong to the man who created me and loves me perfectly. The Man who never leaves my side...no matter what I do to push him away. He doesn't even budge! Why do I feel like I need a human when I can have God? When I have God? God has me. I am His and His alone. It always comes back to that.
Thanks for reminding me!
xoxo
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