Secret Heart, what are you made of?

I hate being sick. I can't work out when I'm sick, and that means I feel like I'm fat. After just one day. Lame.

I hate being a girl. Why must I fall in "love" so easily? Just to be disappointed in the short run.

I hate not being able to breath out of my nose! I will die in my sleep tonight of asphyxiation! Wow, I just spelled "asphyxiation" correctly.

I love the Lord. I can't go a day without thinking about Him. That's a good sign.

I love music. I can't go a day without wanting to write a song or wanting to play the guitar. I just want to sing always and forever. Why can't some man just fall in love with that?

I love my dog. As annoying as she is. She is the only living thing I'm okay to cuddle with.

I love my family. They are incredible. And don't forget amazing.

I love jake. I only wish some man like him would fall in love with me. Some man who's passionate about Jesus and still a real person. Not overtaken by religiousness and hypocrisy. I love real men.

I love my soul-mate. She really is just that. I am praying she'd wake up a man so we could run away together and get married. Gross.

I love sleep. Even though I can't fall asleep very well as of late. I love having dreams. I love falling asleep wondering what wonderful visions God is going to give me at night. I've been praying for Godly dreams before I go to sleep and haven't had a nightmare in months! It's amazing. I've just been having incredibly weird dreams with cameos and weird situations I would never find myself in in real life. I love falling asleep not knowing what to expect. That's my favorite thing right now. It's just the actual falling asleep I need help with.

I wrote a song recently about my heart, and where the hell it went off to. I don't know. I still don't know. What is it so afraid of? Why can't I just guard it? Why is that so hard? Why can't I meet people and just see them as new friends, not potential life-mates. So ridiculous! And I want to start "dating" someone I've known for awhile??? Yet I fall in "love" with someone upon meeting them? I am so naive. So young. So ignorant. So foolish. So many adjectives to describe what I am.