I really am on a roll! I can't stop thinking. Sometimes I believe my thinking gets the best of me. I hate that I fall in love so easily. It's not even love. It's like as soon as a man pays attention to me I go crazy! I can't stop thinking about it so now when I see this person next I'm going to make an absolute fool out of myself because I've been thinking about him all effing week long! Oh Lord, I know this is happening before I go to India for some stupid reason. It'll be nice to get away from this country for awhile. I totally and fully believe we need to start changing the United States, our home, before we go out "into all the world" and I'm not going to India for anything other than studying. I want to come back with a passion for this country and a love for our own people. I don't want to hate this country. I don't want to feel like it's a waste of time. I want to be a pioneer in America. That might be harder to do here than a different place, but that's why it needs to happen. I went to New Zealand because it was going to be hard. I went to Vanuatu because I knew it would be the most challenging place to live. I am going to India because I'm terrified of it. I feel comfortable here, but I know that once I start becoming uncomfortable here it will begin the most uncomfortable time of my life!
Sometimes I don't want to fall asleep because I know what I'm going to dream about. Last night was one of those times. I must stop feeding the fire.
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