They build buildings so, they build buildings so, they build buildings so tall these days

Today was a good day. Let me just start off by saying that. Mostly it was a good night. I was able to see The Dark Knight again (I keep wanting to write "Night" instead of "Knight") with my bro Justin. I think he liked it. He didn't talk much about it afterward, but perhaps he thought about how amazing it was. He is only 13 years of age though, just barely old enough to enjoy anything more complicated than legos and pizza rolls. He is a funny kid, I'll give him that. He's beginning to get influenced by the world and that scares me a little bit. I can imagine it being hard since his only friends are school friends and none of them are good influences. He just goes with the flow even though he won't admit it.

I was very excited that I got to see an old friend, and by old, I mean incredibly old friend tonight. It's probably been about 5 or 6 years since I saw them last, but a few more than that since we talked. It couldn't have been a deep conversation either because it was when we were 11 or 12. Funny, I know. Needless to say, it was really good to see this person and I am sad we only talked for a few short minutes and they leave tomorrow only to be gone for another 14 to 18 months.

It was good to spend time with a new, old friend. I say new because we've known each other for a little less than a year, and I say old because they already feel like those old friends you have that you go to first with things. Not that I go to this person first, but he's one of the first in my mind when I need help or need prayer or have encouragement or even just simply want to hang out with! I got to help him out this evening and I thought it only fitting since he helped me out so much when my family was moving. He's one of those "lifers" you know? Well, he'll be a "lifer" until he gets married, then who knows what'll happen, but I know we'll be good friends until then. I say "he" like he's going to get married first, and it's probably true.

I fall in and out of love so easily I wonder if it ever was love in the first place.

God, I don't want to fall in love in India. I don't want to fall in love with a man there. I want to fall in love with You there, but not a human man. Not for me. I want to focus on You and your words. I want to fall in love with that country and the people of that country and their culture, but not a specific man.

Can you imagine if I hadn't broken up with that boy in sixth grade shortly after we started "going out"? what my life would be like now. I'm not saying we would have been together since then, but what if it were longer? I think my first relationship was a mini-version of all my future relationships. Short. To the point. Almost pointless. I say almost, because there was one I feel was not pointless at all. I really did love this one, at least I think I did. Not the sixth grade one. Anyway, I never really knew any of my boyfriends very well before they took on that roll in my life. I think that is why they never lasted.

Sometimes I wonder why I don't have a boyfriend right now, but I know the answer to that. I am not ready. I am not myself yet. I still don't know what it truly means to be confident. I fall in like way too easily. I don't think I'm good enough most of the time. I stumble over my words a lot. I am quiet a lot of the time. I have sweaty hands and I bite my fingernails. Shall I go on? I do, however, know that I am valuable, beautiful, and worth peoples' time most of the time.

I had a good night. I'm going to bed with a smile on my face. I hope to wake up with it still sitting there and I pray it sticks with me all day at work.