You might be a big fish in a little pond

I must resolve to never spend money again unless it's going to my car or cell phone. For real. Most of the time I hate that I have a credit card, but it's times like these when I am supposed to be over-drafting that I love having a credit card. Though, I do hate that I am over-drafting.

I want to do more with my money. More as in more for others and less for me. It's hard knowing that my money is low because of selfishness. A coffee here, a movie there. You get the idea. I figure if I fast from spending money for a few weeks that might be amazing. Who needs to fast from food when fasting from money would be so much healthier?

I am quickly realizing I have a hard heart. Not a hard heart in every aspect of my life, just in the one that I spend the most time on. Work. My heart has become so hard towards these kids. A person cannot spend most of their time with small children. At least I cannot spend most of my time with small children. I become this overly crabby mean adult that kids know and fear. It's probably good for them to fear me, but I don't think they fear me in a good way. JFK. They hardly fear me. I wish I was so intimidating to them that they respected me and didn't feel like pushing the envelope all the time. Well, I have 25 days left with these kids. I better make it count!

I don't know what I am going to do with these children today because it is supposed to storm all day. I hate thunderstorms. They are one of the scariest things in the world to me. A few of my fears? Thunderstorms, Flying, and eternity. Also, I have this weird fear when I drive past a car that they might have a gun and shoot me as I'm driving by. Is that unrealistic or what?

This weekend I finally move out of my St. Paul apartment. I am so excited to not live there anymore. It's so far out of the way. I should not have gone there in the first place. I know what I was thinking, but I should have thought through it better. From now on my moves will be more realistic and eco-friendly. Driving an hour every day to and from work isn't the greatest gas and environment choice.

I am so excited that my parents now live in a house with a pool. It is the greatest fun to wake up and go on a morning swim. I haven't exactly done that yet, but it's possible! I must get a swim cap for that.

Right now I have about $1,000 dollars in the bank for my trip. I need to get a plane ticket, and hopefully my Visa is on its way to me, but I'm afraid they might be sending it to my Saint Paul address. Fortunately we have the greatest landlord who I'm sure will keep an eye out for it. I pray they send it to my permanent address and not my temporary one.

I pray that my parent's other house sells soon so that I can get money for my car. I also pray that Wells Fargo gets back to me about my line of credit. I'm afraid it's like a loan, but hey, whatever works. Especially for right now. I can pay this off as the year goes on. Lord, bless my finances. I know I need to be spending less. I am sorry for being selfish with my money and I also know that one of these days I'll suddenly understand how foolish spending money on temporary things is.