Ten Cent Blues

Dear orthodox
I can't control my feelings
And who hit me? I just might be coming 'roung the bush
And my stilts, they began cracking, subsequently pushed

And I look to see that it was she
Just some abandoned little crook like me
Adieu, adieu and fair thee well
This was the ending plea


I was attached on bended knee
But I declined my lead

But who could blame a fraction of her being?
She is cheesy, she is scrawny with her uncanny styling
I'm teasing, she is pleasing
She just has no wit

And I'm sorry I don't have her face
And I'm probably going to lose this race
There is no doubt she's such a mouse with
Such an abstract grace


There is no cure, I am sure
For this ten cent blues

Then she chose to dissect me
And I was casted into poverty
But I did not agree with her
She said, "Now you've got nerve"

But I don't care if I'm granted for all these things
If I were one among this crowd
Would you call that defeat?

In a way it's making me crazy
In a sense that it's making me stronger
A likely chance and it's probably proven
In the end we'll all walk away

Shaking hands on the doormats, I salute you sir
A stranger end, a happy fit so glad I'm part of it and that I saw it al

Some days aren't yours at all.

I am finding life has it's twists and turns. Things you never even considered happening 3 weeks ago are in full force right now. People you didn't miss all that much suddenly become so important in your life. A little bit of snow makes you want to move to a warmer climate effective immediately. I tried writing a song last night. I don't know if it's right yet, but at least I'm writing again or at least trying to. I'm super tired today! Tuesdays have become the new Monday in my life. I can't stay up late Monday nights, but CSI:Miami is on at 9, so I have to.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life. Somewhere along the lines of I have only one life on this planet. Why be afraid of anything but God? Why get nervous? Why be shy? I mean really, I am almost 22 years old, I have approximately 65 years left on this planet. That's not a whole lot of time. I need to do something bigger than being a nanny and paying off my bills. I really would sell everything I own to move somewhere else and start over, but that's not what I'm supposed to do. When the time comes for something big, it's going to be a lot harder than that. I pray that it's what I love to do. Not that I won't love to do what I'm going to do for the rest of my life, but I pray that I love it right now and don't have to come to love it.

Golly, I don't even know if I'm making any sense here. Writing thoughts out always helps me get out what I'm thinking...since I don't really have anyone to tell my thoughts and dreams to right now.

Is it okay to want to strangle the children you baby-sit?

It's weird how something that most of the world does today happens in my life and it affects me so much. I hurt so much from these small things the world tells me are okay. I feel like most of the world is broken. Everyone I meet is human. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have a habit of putting people up on high things like nothing can touch them, not even me, then after something amazing yet horrible happens and I realize they are human. Just like me. How can something so horrible be what is wanted in this life? How can something so "small" and "ordinary" change my outlook on a person so much so that I don't care if I ever see them again or talk to them. Someone please come up and shake some sense into me. Grab my shoulders and shake as hard as you can. Please?

You are my sweetest downfall.

Wow. I can't believe I'm googling someone's name.

I met someone last night who wowed me. There aren't many people I meet these days that do that. I guess if I looked hard enough everyone I meet would wow me somehow, but this one was a caught-off-guard-wowing. I didn't even know this person was going to be there and bada-bing bada-boom. There they were. In all their human quirkyness. Oh how I love human quirkyness. I wish I could have stayed longer. I wish I could have had long conversations into the morning with said person. I'd like to hang out with them again, but it may seem odd. Odd for them of course.

Oh well, chances are I'll never see them again anyway. It sometimes sucks being the woman in all of this. I feel like I can't do any of the contacting and asking to hang out. It's like I have to just wait around for some man to want to get to know me. How lame is that? If you knew me, you'd know I can't wait for anything, let alone someone to come sweep me off my feet.

Jeepers.

Life is so complicated sometimes.