I realize I was acting all wrong

Men never cease to amaze me. Just when you think they are thick headed and would never even think anything they did was wrong, they surprise you and do something like call you in the middle of the night because they cannot wait any longer. Wait for what you are dying to ask me? He couldn't wait any longer to apologize to me. To admit to hurting me. That is a man if you ask me. A real man.

Oh God hold me now

I am Israel. I am Israel in Judges. I do whatever seems good in my eyes. I need deliverance. I have deliverance, I just don't acknowledge said deliverance most days.

When I see Indian people, Indian movies, even simply tags on clothes that say "made in India" I get a fuzzy feeling of love that wells up inside of me, however secretly deep, deep down inside me the thought of going back to India really scares me.

I've been reading a lot of stories lately of women who have started amazing organizations because they saw one little story on Oprah or read something in a magazine about women suffering in the Congo and suddenly they knew they had to do something and now they are the founder of a giant non-profit that provides education and health care to these women. I want to be like those people. I have always desired to be a pioneer.

When all my thoughts are said and done, I am just like Moses, Jonah, Timothy. I know what to do next, I just am afraid of it.