He's my Brandy Alexander

I wonder who I'll actually end up with. This is an unknown thing that I am excited for. Why can't I be excited for the unknown thing that is eternity? I have a true love and that is you. I am excited to see your redeeming love throughout the old testament! Your love for Israel and your love for your people. I think I may come out of this SBS truly knowing how much you love me or at least knowing as much as I ever have about your love for me.

Lord, I don't know if this guy is the one for me. You know. You sly Father. You know exactly what is going to happen with this. So why should I worry so much about it? It is not a sin for me to like him. It is not a sin to want to get to know him more. It is not even a sin to desire him. To be attracted to him. To love him. I just pray that you remain the center of my life. You remain my true love. This could come and go, but you always remain. You are a constant, firm Love in my life. It's quite amazing that you always come with me wherever I go. My friends and family cannot even do that! Why do I desire others to be with me when I've had you with me since the day I began forming in my mother's womb! You loved me even then. You love me even now. You will love me in the future. Help me become a Godly woman. Grow my strength and diligence. If I had your strength I'd be the strongest woman in the world. If I had your kindness I would be the kindest woman in the world. If I had your heart I would have the biggest, most loving heart in the world.

I've got my life in a suitcase

The wave seems to be hitting all shores but my own. That should be okay with me. I have been struggling with not caring about the wave. I do not even know why I still want this wave to hit my shores. I do not need this wave. I do not need to look for this wave. I have plenty of other things to occupy my mind and my time. I am happy for my friend who has just been hit by the wave. It's quite sweet and beautiful. I just want something sweet and beautiful. If there's one thing I have learned in the past 3 months it is that I fall fast and hard and am too emotional and over-analyze everything. That's more than one thing I suppose, but they all go hand-in-hand.

This life is becoming too complicated, but only because I am making it so. It does not have to be this complicated.