Details in the fabric

It's getting late so I won't be long with this one.

My so called life! Remember that TV show? I never saw it, but I remember the name. My life isn't crazy, but it is. I have so many things speeding through my brain at the speed of sound most likely. I can't even stop to look at one because another thing is coming up so fast! Jobs, money, bills, friends, family, Bible, Jesus, Kingdom, neighbors, travel, India, Ryley, crushes, dreams, The Office, swimming, running, boflex, sleeping, cramps, etc.

Yikes! That is a lot and that's only what comes to mind immediately. If I really thought about it I'd have a zillion more things that I should be thinking about. It's hard to work on one at a time when they all seem so important to get through.

I am so tired, but happy that when I wake up it will be Friday!

I finally heard from my Soul-mate tonight via e-mail. So relieved. So happy. So sad. I miss her. A lot. It gets me depressed just to think about how far away she is and how I really have no clue when I'm going to see her next.

My eating habits need to change. I'm happy i'm starting to get into the work out routine again. Praise God for that! It's the only thing I have managed to do consistently in my entire life. That and brush my teeth, bite my fingernails, and eat lots of food. But oddly enough, I read an article in Elle magazine that made me almost love me just the way I am! I would tell every woman I know to read this article! If only I knew the name of it at the moment.

I have a lot of things to pray about and seek answers for. A lot. Church stuff. What is this Kingdom Jesus talked about oh so much? Financial situation/provision. W-I-S-D-O-M. I need a bigger heart. A more guarded heart. A stronger heart.

I was thinking of changing how I wrote in this, but decided to not. I like how real I am here. For some reason getting things out on paper or type relieve me of feelings I don't need to fall asleep to. I can rest at ease knowing my mumbled thoughts make some kind of sense somewhere. I think when I get married I won't keep a journal like this anymore cause I'll share all these thoughts with the man of my dreams as we lay down to fall asleep. I hope I talk to my husband in bed all night like I do when I have "sleepovers" with girl friends.

Well, it's almost 11:30 and that means 7.5 hours of sleep! Not enough, but better than 7.

If I stand real tall, maybe I won't feel so small...

Okay, since it's incredibly true, I'll write about how much I love Mandi.
She is the cheese to my macaroni.
She is the water to my thirst.
She is the cocoa to my hot chocolate.
She is the friend I've been praying for the entire time she's been gone.
I thank God for her every day. Especially now. I really wouldn't be able to go on without her.
I don't know how the future looks for both of us, but I do know that we'll always be involved in each other's lives.
I know that God is going to reveal HUGE things to her this year.
I know that God is going to drop His love on her this year.
I know that she is going to be a pioneer in this life.
God is her protector and wants her to know this.
God has blessed me with her in my life.
I really love the time we spend together and have only shared in her gladness and sorrow since she has returned.
I want to share all things with her.
I want her to be apart of my community obsession.
I want her to know that I want her apart of it.
She can invite Kevin too.
I have praised the Lord in her maturity and how much she has grown in the last 7 months.
It's amazing! I mean, she was getting there before she left, and now she is her own woman!
She is woman. Hear her roar for God's Kingdom is coming and she's ready to tell you about it!
The fire that is inside of her heart is inspiring and she does nothing but make me leave her presence more in love and passionate about Jesus.
And yes, Praying with her makes me truly, truly love her.
There's just something about prayer really.
Prayer is the most powerful thing.
Why do "christians" not do it enough!
Luke 18:1 says Jesus told [the disciples] a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart.
1 Thessalonians 5:17 - pray without ceasing
Luke 5:16 - Jesus often withdrew to quiet places and prayed.
Psalm 102:17 - He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; He will not despise their plea.
Proverbs 15:8 - The lord detests the sacrifice of the wicked, but the prayer of the upright pleases Him.
Isaiah 56:7 - these I will bring to my holy mountain and give them joy in my house of prayer. Their burnt offerings and sacrifices will be accepted on my altar; for my house will be called a house of prayer for all nations.
And the list could go on forever and ever.
It says the word "pray" in the Bible 365 times. That's one a day!

In another some-what-related-cause-it-has-to-do-with-prayer incident...

I have been praying for months that somehow I would be able to see and touch Jesus. Then, I got a good idea to pray that I would dream about Him because we all know how dreams can seem so real, so i thought if I dreamt I saw Jesus and touched Him in my dream it would be like the real deal. I have also been praying for crazy dreams lately. Crazy, Holy dreams from God, and interestingly enough I've been getting some weird ones, but they have all involved Jesus in some way, or prayer. Either way they've all involved saying His name. This morning when I woke up I couldn't remember any of my dreams, so I thought "dang, that's too bad, nothing exciting today." then immediately I remembered one! I was somewhere with some people, but Eric Dykstra was there and he was teaching at some sort of retreat, and I had received a parking ticket, and wasn't in the best mood cause the concert i was supposed to play at was moved from outdoors to indoors. Suddenly Eric walks up to me and says, "Sarah, Jesus is here to meet with you, but not right now. You have to wait until the right time. You'll know when it is." So I say, "okay." Then, a few minutes later i'm sitting down with everyone listening to Eric talk and I get this weird feeling and Eric looks at me and says, "Okay, now's the time. He's in the woods. You have to go find Him." I leave the room and start walking around this very small forest. I am so nervous, but excited, but a little scared cause I know I'm going to see Jesus any second. Then, as I get to the edge of the trees I look down a hill and see Him standing under a tree. I start to walk down the hill, but then decide I should run cause I mean, it's Jesus! I run up to Him and jump up and wrap my arms around him and just hug him tight and say, "hi!" in an excited nervous, like he's my best friend that I haven't seen in a long time cause He went overseas for awhile. I just kept hugging Him. He wanted to show me something, but I told him that I just wanted to hug Him for now and He said that was okay and was smiling at me the whole time. It was incredible. He had dark brown hair and blue eyes. He was wearing a white robe with the blue sash you know? Kind of the stereotypical one, but He was different than that. It was so strange, but a good strange. I only hope to see Him again tonight. This was another, straight up, unquestionable answer to prayer. I'll have to write this down in my book for that!

Praise the Lord God almighty. He is all knowing, all seeing, and all powerful. He is love. He is incredible. He is terrifying. He is wonderful.

I'm so depressed I can't even eat.

Oh Lord my God, if I have done this,
if there is wrong in my hands,
if I have repaid my friend with evil
or plundered my enemy without cause,
let the enemy pursue my soul and overtake it,
and let him trample my life to the ground
and lay my glory in the dust.

Psalm 7:3-5