I can't hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait, I'm yours

I cannot fall asleep. This has become all too familiar lately. First, I get terrified of eternity, more than usual, then I can't fall asleep. What is going on? I just got off the phone with my roommate. She had a job interview a few days ago in Houston and basically is going to be offered a job tomorrow. A pretty swanky one too! She'll have a company car, phone, office, you get the idea...She'll pretty much be moving down there at the end of June. I basically have one month left with her! I'm sort of jealous. I can't even be a sales associate at Urban Outfitters, and she is being offered this cushy job in Houston? She'll be making way more than I probably ever will, and here I am going to India in 5 months with hardly a penny in the bank and a wheel bearing that needs to be replaced in my car. I just have to try to remind myself that it's okay travelling down the non-traditional path. It's okay having a job that barely pays the bills. I still make more than a majority of the people in this world. It just seems kind of ominous when I look at the big picture. I need at least $8,000 dollars by September 27th. When I lay in bed all I can think about is how I'm going to save money. What can I cut out of my life that I'm spending unnecessary funds on? What can I do to save every penny? How will I find more income? Worry, worry, worry! Lord, I cast all my worries on you because you care for me. I know you will provide. Please take away my fear and earthly doubts. Show me your Kingdom here and now. Make me your instrument.

In the last few months the weeks have flown by, but for some reason this week is ever so slowly creeping along. I am so ready for these 40 days of relations, transformations, and missions! I am so ready to start reading your ancient yet always applicable words again. I am so ready to fast for 40 days again...fruits and veggies that is. No worries folks. I won't be going without solids again for awhile.

Since I'm on the complain train I'll just get a few things off my chest while I still can.
I want a second job.
I want my CD to be duplicated.
I want out of the band.
I want a boyfriend.
I want to be able to eat everything I want and still lose weight.
I want to wake up happy.
I want to sleep in every day.
I want to take guitar lessons.
I want to go to therapy.
I want to stop paying taxes.
I want to find $8,000 on the ground.
I want to go swimming all day tomorrow.
I want someone to tell me I'm worth something.
I don't want to sing at my cousin's wedding on Saturday.
I want to say "no" for once in my life.
I want to get rid of my car and never own one again.
I want to move out of my apartment and back in with my parents.
I want to go to Fiji for a month.
I want to go to Perth for two or more years.
I want to go to Lauren's wedding, but with Mal Pal.
I want to fall asleep as soon as I lay down again.

Most of all, I want my desires to reflect your heart.